“I like cancelled plans, and empty bookstores. I like rainy days, and thunderstorms, and quiet coffee shops. I like messy beds and over-worn pajamas. Most of all, I like the small joys that a simple life brings.”
flyingsolo1127 asked: Roughly 2 months ago, the man I was going to marry, my soulmate, died suddenly. Quite frankly, most days I don't see the point in living without him. Everyone I've talked to about this tells me that I have other reasons to live, and that it will get better, and logically I know they're right, but right now that's not how I feel, and I don't know how to keep moving forward because every day it seems to get harder. Do you have any advice? I don't know how much longer I can endure this pain.
I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling right now, and I’d hug you if I could.
I’m not a professional counselor, and I *strongly* suggest that you work with a grief counselor who is trained specifically to help you in this moment of terrible grief and loss.
But because you asked: your feelings are totally valid and reasonable. I’m dealing with a loss of my own right now, and my therapist has reminded me that I am living in a tempest of emotions, and because emotions are, by their nature, not rational or logical, there’s not really a rational and logical way to check off a list of steps that will get me from grief and sadness to acceptance. So I’m just doing my best to know that this feeling isn’t forever, and even though the loss and the sadness it creates will always be part of me, but over time the intensity of the pain and the loss and its associated grief will heal.
I don’t know if this is helpful at all, and I’m sure you’re tired of hearing some version of “it’s going to get better,” because right now it feels like it never will. Speaking only for myself (and I again have to encourage you to meet with a professional who can give you some better and more useful tools) I have to believe that it will get better, and I have to take it one day – sometimes one hour – at a time.
If you only hear one thing I say, though, please let it be this: You are important to people in this world, and you matter in ways you can’t see at the moment. Right now, you are experiencing an unimaginable loss, and there are people who have dedicated their lives to helping you survive it. Please let them help you.
And please know that I am so, so sorry for your loss. You can always drop me a note here, if you feel like it’ll help you.
